Chinese and Western Parenting

For the past 2 days, I’ve been reading the book ” Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother”. I must say I love and can relate to Amy Chua.

Amy Chua is a supportive mom, a Sister, a Wife, and a Good Friend. The story doesn’t just go around Amy but also to her two daughters, and two dogs. It’s also about Mozart and Mendelssohn, the piano and the violin, and how they made to Carnegie Hall. I would like to begin saying that this book is the greatest book yet. The Author talks about how parenting differs in Chinese and Western countries in rising their children. The  clash of cultures and the taste of glory. I am not yet a mother, but reading this book somehow it made me reflect how my Mom and Dad raised me. A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it’s like inside the family. Tons of studies out there showing marked and quantifiable differences between Chinese and Westeners when it comes to parenting.

In one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the Western mothers said that ” stressing academic success is not good for children” or that “parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun.” By contrast, roughly 0% of the Chinese mothers felt the same way. Instead, the vast majority of the Chinese mothers said that they believe their children can be ” the best” students, that “academic achievement reflects successful parenting,” and that if children did not excel at school then there was “a problem” and parents ” were not doing their job.”

Opposed to that,Chinese parents spend approximately ten times as long every day drilling academic activities with their children, where Western kids are more conforming to participate in sport teams. And so put me in deduce that American sport parents aren’t the same with Chinese mothers.  Different from Western over scheduling football mom, the Chinese mother believes that..

  • Schoolwork always comes first
  • an A-minus is a bad grade
  • your children must be two years ahead of their classmates in math
  • must never compliment children in public
  • if your child disagrees with the teacher or coach, you must always take the side of the teacher
  • the only activities your children should be permitted to do are those in which they can win a medal – a GOLD Medal

About Sophia and Louisa, daughters of Amy. They are considered Jewish-American, an ethnic group that may sound exotic but eventually forms a majority in certain circles, especially in university towns. Because Jed, husband of Amy is a Jewish and Amy is a Chinese. Analogous to most of the kids, Amy’s daughter got the both worlds and cultures.

Sophia had a gift of playing violin and won a Performance Prize at the age of nine. Same with Louisa whose first instrument was violin but both also plays piano. Where Louisa had the chance to début in Carnegie Hall playing ” Juliet as a Young Girl” . The two are unique in their own way. Lulu is a good violinist. Both of them played as duet in Budapest where the event was named ” Two Prodigy Sisters from America” .

Louisa ” Lulu”  received a statewide “prodigy” award and made the newspapers. Also won her top French and Latin recitation prizes. But instead of her success producing confidence, gratitude, towards parents, and the desire to work harder, the opposite happened. Lulu started rebelling, not just against practicing everyday but everything Amy stood for. (And this rose the climax of the story, and I’ll leave it hanging)

Amy and her family has a dog named Coco and Pushkin. Coco is a Samoyed, a white, fluffy dog about the size of Siberian Husky, with dark almond eyes. Coco has the Samoyed smile, and the dazzling pure white Samoyed fur. Coco’s tail is a little short and looks more like a pom pom than a plume. Samoyed are said to be descended from wolves, but hasn’t been scientifically proven. They got a second puppy named Push, short for Pushkin. Who was an ugly duckling before but turned into a magnificent Samoyed also ans is bigger than Coco. and had an exotic cat eyes.

On the other hand, Western parents can only ask their kids to try their best. Chinese parents can say ” You’re lazy”. All your classmates are getting ahead of you. Thought a long and hard about how Chinese parents can get away with what they do.

My Parents are mixed of Chinese and Western but 65% of course comes with Chinese parenting.

Western parents are extremely anxious about their children’s self esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if they fall at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children about how good they are. While Chinese parents assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently.

For example, if a child went home with an A-minus on a test, a Western parent will most kindred praise, but for Chinese parents, they will ask what went wrong and will let you do triple effort on your studies.

Chinese parents believed that their kids owe them everything (which I believed is right). The fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children.  And this is true Chinese mother akin my mom, when I was young get in trenches, long grueling hours of personally tutoring, interrogating, and spying on their kids( up to now, I must say). The understanding that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud.

While most Westerners doesn’t have the same view of children being permanently indebted to their parents. For them, parents who foist life on their kids , so it’s the parents’ responsibility to provide for the. Kids don’t owe their parents anything. That’s why most of Western teens live on their own when they’re already 18.

Chinese parents believes that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children’s own desire and preferences. That’s why Chinese daughters can’t have boyfriends in High School ( I know that and to those who’ve felt it before, I feel you too)

Same goes with me, my Dad wants me to get Target shooting, swimming, and Taekwondo,while my Mom wants me to focus really hard for my studies. But distinctively to Amy, my Mom isn’t the one pushing me to get to top rank in class, it’s my Dad. Shall we call him TIGER FATHER? Kidding aside.

–But I am a girl who doesn’t really wait for my parents to compliment me in my work, I sometimes don’t tell them my achievements. For the reason that they will tell our relatives about it. I know I’m so opposite but I like to keep it on the ground. Agnate my Top 1 rank in Marketing class, I didn’t really want to say it to them but, I was so excited that I forgot not to tell them yet, until my name was posted in the board and had my certificate.

And just like Sophia and Louisa, I also have my younger brother, named John Carlo. He’s an incoming fourth year High School and we’re mostly interested in the same things, like being in Army (which he’s now a Deputy Commander/ Adjutant in School), eating gigantic burgers, and dogs. Mom and Dad are also proud of JC, he’s partly removing himself from my shadows and making a spot light for himself. Being one of the Red Cross officer member and volunteer. Which my Mom and Dad didn’t expect he would join and have an interest.

          

Allying The Chua’s, we also have a two white dogs named Scrappy and Daffie. Scrappy, my dog,  a Japanese Speech, wolf like aura and tail, with dark almond eyes. While Daffie, was my brother’s puppy, a Shih tzu-maltese having white fluffy cotton ball with brown shade fur. Scrappy is a lot bigger than Daffie that’s why they love to play and run.

In Addition, Chinese kid cognate like me must compete in every way we can and bring pride and honor not just for the baring of the family name but also to make our parents proud. And I guess, I made my parents proud and I can feel it, through their words and whenever I talk to them not to tell anyone my achievements they would say ” We are just proud of you that’s why we tell them to others”

Don’t get me wrong : It’s not that Chinese parents don’t care about their children. Just the opposite. They would give up anything for their children.

Xx,

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s